Dx: PCOS

Well, I suppose...I guess it looks like now I have some answers I'd probably rather not have.  I finally heard back from my obgyn today about my CD3 bloodwork results, & initially she said that the elevated testosterone levels "made her think that my menstrual abnormalities may be due to PCOS".  She then asked what my goals were & if I stilled wanted to pursue pregnancy.  I wasn't really sure how to take that at first.  The part that stood out to me is "MAY be" due to PCOS?  I wasn't really feeling satisfied with that, obviously, I want a more definite answer!  

So I consulted w/ my trusted ladies on "the bump" on how I should proceed from there, as far as if I should pursue further testing with my obgyn to "firm up" the diagnosis, or if I should ask to go straight to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist -->basically a fertility expert) to move forward.  I got mixed reviews, but most said at least pursue further testing, & firm up that "may be" part, if not also going to an RE.  I wasn't totally sure about the RE part yet, so when I wrote back to my dr (these were emails), I told her I was definitely still planning to pursue pregnancy, & I asked about the "may be" part, & said I would like a more definitive diagnosis, since PCOS could obviously play a big role in my fertility.  I asked if there were further tests we should do to get a more definite answer (I mentioned testing the LH:FSH ratio since my blood tests didn't include that, blood test for insulin resistance, & ultrasound to check for polycystic ovaries, since she hadn't ordered that).  

In her reply, however, she clarified that "by accepted criteria, I DO have PCOS, by having infrequent menses & biochemical evidence of hyperandrogenism", & she further stated that we did not need to test the LH:FSH ratio or do an ultrasound to further prove that, but did say it was a good idea to test for insulin resistance, & said she would order that test.  She then said that since we know I'm not ovulating regularly, & we have a likely reason for that, that she suggested (I didn't have to ask!) referring me to an RE.  She also said that of course, if I wanted to wait longer before getting help, then I can do that too.

I honestly felt very deflated.  At the moment I read that last email response from her, I was alone at home, & my hubby had actually just gone to work, so I didn't get to tell him, although he did know about her previous email saying that I may have it.  I think in my mind I was thinking maybe there really was a chance I didn't have it (and hey, maybe I don't!) & that's why she said it the way she did initially, but when I read that second email that clarified & gave a definitive "yes", then I kind of broke down & started crying.  And I know, I know, PCOS is NOT a death sentence to fertility, & it's still very likely that I'll be able to conceive (just may end up needing extra help & it may take longer), but obviously it would just be easier if I didn't have it at all...duh! lol.  I think w/ these bloodwork results I was really hoping that if they all came back normal then maybe that meant my body was just still regulating from the BC, & maybe everything really would go back to normal at some point.  Now I know there's a good chance that it won't be that easy, & my cycles may or may not ever "regulate".  

And honestly, part of me is still skeptical.  But hey.  As far as going to see an RE, I don't really know where I stand on that right now.  I'm anxious to get a chance to talk with my hubby about all this & see what he thinks.  If I do go see an RE, I believe our insurance only covers 50% of fertility related costs, so there would be substantial costs to us (which I'd already kind of started mentally preparing myself for).  So that's a factor as well.  Part of me wants to wait a little longer "just to see" if maybe my body does something different this cycle, but obviously there's no guarantee that waiting is going to make things any different.  

The funny thing is, I'm actually having ovulation pains today! lol.  How awesome would it be if I really did ovulate??  Anyway, still processing all of this...right now not sure if I want to accept it, not sure if I want to move forward either, so we'll see where I end up.