Pluses & Minuses

I love how fertility friend tells me "your cycles are irregular".  Nahhh, ya don't say?? lol. :/

Anyway, I'm feeling some pluses & minuses today:

Pluses: My acne is actually starting to get better!!  Can't tell you how much that makes me wanna rejoice! lol.  It was getting pretty bad there for awhile, & I have some scars from it still, but I think they'll fade.  I'm super glad it's calming down though.

Minuses:  I dunno, it's CD19, & I just have this suspicion that this cycle is gonna be like the last one, & I'll get to CD60 w/out O'ing again.  And I dunno, I'm trying to stay hopeful, & I know there are options regardless, but I just still really wish things would just work how they're supposed to.  It's actually kinda hard for me to read about other women who are TTC who have actual "fertile windows", & predictable ovulation & all.  I just want to ovulate at all!!  It just sucks, honestly.

I'm a pretty open person, so I've shared about our TTC journey & this PCOS thing with my family & close friends, & they've all been really supportive.  Last night my dad said something that kinda got to me though, & I don't know why.  He was super supportive, gave me a hug, said he knew it was gonna happen for us, & it would be in the right time.  But then he went on to comment that maybe right now "wasn't the right time", because I have huge tests coming up this summer to become a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (yep, I'm a therapist!), & that maybe it would be better for me to pass those tests first (even though baby wouldn't be here by then).  For some reason that kinda hurt me, & I can't exactly figure out why.  I actually do believe in the whole it'll happen at the right time thing, I just don't also believe that that means now is the "wrong" time.  I guess maybe it felt like he was questioning how ready we were, & maybe that's why it was hurtful.  Especially since in our hearts we are SO incredibly ready, & knowing that we waited 5 years to even start trying because we wanted to be financially stable & we wanted the best situation for this baby.  I feel like we've planned it out the best that we really could, w/out waiting too terribly long.  I know he just wants the best for me, & he & my mom have ALWAYS said what amazing parents they thought we'd be, & how they actually look forward to seeing us parent, etc, but I guess just the insinuation that maybe I hadn't thought this through enough w/ the timing of my career, even though we've been trying for 8 months was kinda hurtful.  I mean, would it be a little more ideal if my licensing test was done first?  Yeah, of course that'd be nice, but it's not something that HAS to happen before we get pregnant, & it just seems like we've already waited on enough things, you know?  We are just SO ready!  And hey, if we don't get pregnant til after my tests, will I see the positive in that? Of course!  It's just that doesn't change the fact that I'm already very ready now.  

In the end what he said is not really a "big" deal, but just I couldn't stop thinking about it today so I had to process why it was bugging me.  I feel kinda better now. :)