Well, it seems like there's not too much to say since I'm just pretty much waiting around now. I'm only 5dpo right now, & oh the days are dragging on, lol. I was thinking that if I did have a fertilized egg in there, it may be in my uterus by today or tomorrow, although not implanted yet, just an interesting thought. Tonight I've been having these stabbing pains in the left side of my abdomen which is making me think about that more, haha. I don't want to get into speculating, but I am curious!
In a way I've felt really relaxed lately, because it's been nice to not have to have to worry about anything, do any OPKs, think about timing sex, get angry at my body for not working, etc. And it has been awesome to know there is at least a chance we could conceive this cycle! :) It's funny, I think I felt about ovulating the way that many women do about + pregnancy tests! For example, when I got that 3rd high temp I texted my hubby & said, "we did it, I ovulated!" haha. (mostly cuz we had such great timing). He has been so great lately, & getting more into the whole TTC thing. My previous cycles he wasn't really wanting to do the whole "timing sex" thing, cuz the idea seemed forced I guess, but ever since we watched The Great Sperm Race he has made several comments to me about not realizing how important timing is, & as soon I got a +OPK this last cycle he was like ok let's do it, which was great! :) Him being on board makes the whole thing way easier!
At the same time, waiting still sucks, ya know? At least I can know we did the best we could, & actually the best part is knowing exactly how long I'll have to wait, which is nothing compared to my long-ass cycles of not having the slightest clue when something might happen! lol. The predictability is at least helping me through it. I think I'll prob test a week from tomorrow (13dpo), we'll see, I'm new to this. Either way I know this cycle was a great step in the right direction, & hopefully my body will continue doing what it should! :)
Friday, March 15, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Oh Happy Day! lol
So...sorry to keep ya'll in suspense, haha, but I can now say with almost complete certainty that I did, in fact, ovulate!!! :) This has been a crazy few days, I'll tell you that! Nothing could make a girl start thinking a thousand miles a minute like seeing that first high temp! I honestly couldn't fall back asleep for an hour & a half after seeing that! Then waiting the last 2 days has honestly been pretty torturous. It somewhat reminded me of the 65 day cycle I had before I started charting, when I didn't know what was going on & it felt like the not knowing was killing me! lol. BUT, I tried my best to just relax & wait, & today being the 3rd day of high temps (plus today's temp being even higher then the previous 2), I feel fairly confident in saying I ovulated!!!
I can't even tell you how I feel about this. This is the first time I've known that I've ovulated in this entire 8 months of TTC, & even if I did O those first 2 cycles before I started charting, this would still be the first time I've O'd since November!! That's a long time, & this has been a LONG journey to get to this point! I'm so happy & relieved, to know that my body is working!! I could tell my body was trying super hard too, cuz I've had ovulation pains up the WAZOO the last several days, up until yesterday it stopped.
Here's a link to my chart to check out the temp shift:
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/4036ef
I know right now it says I O'd on CD23, but it was actually CD25, so if it doesn't change that I'll try to figure out how to do that.
I'm feeling so relieved, relaxed, & at peace right now! This is my first ever 2ww! :)
I can't even tell you how I feel about this. This is the first time I've known that I've ovulated in this entire 8 months of TTC, & even if I did O those first 2 cycles before I started charting, this would still be the first time I've O'd since November!! That's a long time, & this has been a LONG journey to get to this point! I'm so happy & relieved, to know that my body is working!! I could tell my body was trying super hard too, cuz I've had ovulation pains up the WAZOO the last several days, up until yesterday it stopped.
Here's a link to my chart to check out the temp shift:
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/4036ef
I know right now it says I O'd on CD23, but it was actually CD25, so if it doesn't change that I'll try to figure out how to do that.
I'm feeling so relieved, relaxed, & at peace right now! This is my first ever 2ww! :)
Monday, March 11, 2013
high temp!!
Omg, so...I had a high temp this morning!! Of course I'll have to wait a few days to confirm, but looks like I may have O'd!!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Hmm
So this cycle is proving to be interesting so far. I'm on CD25, & so far no O, but I've been keeping my hopes up that it'll happen! Mostly because this is the last cycle before we officially start testing & seeing the RE, so it's kinda my body's last chance to get things together & start working, so I just think how awesome would it be if it did!
So anyway though, I decided to start using OPKs again this cycle, & started those on CD19. Then on CD22 I had what I thought was a "maybe" positive OPK, then for the last 2 days (CD24 & 25), I've had OPKs that were definitely positive! In the past when I've had positive OPKs (although I never O'd afterwards), the "test" line was just as dark as the control, but never darker. Well these last 2 days that I've had positive results, the "test" line was actually WAY darker than the control line, which I've never seen my OPKs do before! This is a significant difference. This has kinda gotten my hopes up that maybe I really will O this cycle! I haven't seen a temp shift yet, but I'm really hopeful that it will happen!
The only bummer is I've read that a lot of people get multiple positives with the brand I'm using (Answer), so I looked up some FAQ about their brand today, & found out they can be a little inconsistent, & also that the "darker" part of the test line has to take up at least 50% of the line in order to be considered positive. With that in consideration, I'm not totally sure if mine would be considered positive or not. I'm a little frustrated w/ that, so finally just ordered some wonfos from amazon since all the bump ladies use those & they are cheap! Hopefully they'll be a bit more accurate. Still hoping though that since I've never seen a line this dark before that maybe I really will O!
I've been getting a lot of positivity from people lately that has been encouraging & giving me hope. :) My church is into a lot of the "prophetic" aspects of spirituality, & what they call giving people "words", or basically what you hear God saying to that person. Well recently my husband & I were speaking on communication & love in relationships at our church's ministry school (don't be confused, no I'm still not that into organized religion, this was a special circumstance), & later after we were done, one of the students came up & gave us a word that he "saw" me being pregnant, but he hadn't known we were trying. That was really cool. I also had a girlfriend of mine who is becoming really close to me (& happens to be very blessed w/ fertility), pray over me recently, at the beginning of this cycle, & that felt pretty amazing also.
And now that I'm thinking about it, just to top it all off, I just remembered that one of the reasons we started trying when we did (which was a little earlier than we had first planned) in the first place was because a really respected & well known speaker that we know, had had a "word" about us being pregnant. So ya know, I just feel like all things are pointed in this direction! :) I feel like God is using all these little ways to give me hope, that regardless of what things look like or how they seem right now, etc, that this is something that is meant to be in our lives! It's awesome the way God uses people, & this is all helping to build my faith!
So anyway though, I decided to start using OPKs again this cycle, & started those on CD19. Then on CD22 I had what I thought was a "maybe" positive OPK, then for the last 2 days (CD24 & 25), I've had OPKs that were definitely positive! In the past when I've had positive OPKs (although I never O'd afterwards), the "test" line was just as dark as the control, but never darker. Well these last 2 days that I've had positive results, the "test" line was actually WAY darker than the control line, which I've never seen my OPKs do before! This is a significant difference. This has kinda gotten my hopes up that maybe I really will O this cycle! I haven't seen a temp shift yet, but I'm really hopeful that it will happen!
The only bummer is I've read that a lot of people get multiple positives with the brand I'm using (Answer), so I looked up some FAQ about their brand today, & found out they can be a little inconsistent, & also that the "darker" part of the test line has to take up at least 50% of the line in order to be considered positive. With that in consideration, I'm not totally sure if mine would be considered positive or not. I'm a little frustrated w/ that, so finally just ordered some wonfos from amazon since all the bump ladies use those & they are cheap! Hopefully they'll be a bit more accurate. Still hoping though that since I've never seen a line this dark before that maybe I really will O!
I've been getting a lot of positivity from people lately that has been encouraging & giving me hope. :) My church is into a lot of the "prophetic" aspects of spirituality, & what they call giving people "words", or basically what you hear God saying to that person. Well recently my husband & I were speaking on communication & love in relationships at our church's ministry school (don't be confused, no I'm still not that into organized religion, this was a special circumstance), & later after we were done, one of the students came up & gave us a word that he "saw" me being pregnant, but he hadn't known we were trying. That was really cool. I also had a girlfriend of mine who is becoming really close to me (& happens to be very blessed w/ fertility), pray over me recently, at the beginning of this cycle, & that felt pretty amazing also.
And now that I'm thinking about it, just to top it all off, I just remembered that one of the reasons we started trying when we did (which was a little earlier than we had first planned) in the first place was because a really respected & well known speaker that we know, had had a "word" about us being pregnant. So ya know, I just feel like all things are pointed in this direction! :) I feel like God is using all these little ways to give me hope, that regardless of what things look like or how they seem right now, etc, that this is something that is meant to be in our lives! It's awesome the way God uses people, & this is all helping to build my faith!
Monday, March 4, 2013
Pluses & Minuses
I love how fertility friend tells me "your cycles are irregular". Nahhh, ya don't say?? lol. :/
Anyway, I'm feeling some pluses & minuses today:
Pluses: My acne is actually starting to get better!! Can't tell you how much that makes me wanna rejoice! lol. It was getting pretty bad there for awhile, & I have some scars from it still, but I think they'll fade. I'm super glad it's calming down though.
Minuses: I dunno, it's CD19, & I just have this suspicion that this cycle is gonna be like the last one, & I'll get to CD60 w/out O'ing again. And I dunno, I'm trying to stay hopeful, & I know there are options regardless, but I just still really wish things would just work how they're supposed to. It's actually kinda hard for me to read about other women who are TTC who have actual "fertile windows", & predictable ovulation & all. I just want to ovulate at all!! It just sucks, honestly.
I'm a pretty open person, so I've shared about our TTC journey & this PCOS thing with my family & close friends, & they've all been really supportive. Last night my dad said something that kinda got to me though, & I don't know why. He was super supportive, gave me a hug, said he knew it was gonna happen for us, & it would be in the right time. But then he went on to comment that maybe right now "wasn't the right time", because I have huge tests coming up this summer to become a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (yep, I'm a therapist!), & that maybe it would be better for me to pass those tests first (even though baby wouldn't be here by then). For some reason that kinda hurt me, & I can't exactly figure out why. I actually do believe in the whole it'll happen at the right time thing, I just don't also believe that that means now is the "wrong" time. I guess maybe it felt like he was questioning how ready we were, & maybe that's why it was hurtful. Especially since in our hearts we are SO incredibly ready, & knowing that we waited 5 years to even start trying because we wanted to be financially stable & we wanted the best situation for this baby. I feel like we've planned it out the best that we really could, w/out waiting too terribly long. I know he just wants the best for me, & he & my mom have ALWAYS said what amazing parents they thought we'd be, & how they actually look forward to seeing us parent, etc, but I guess just the insinuation that maybe I hadn't thought this through enough w/ the timing of my career, even though we've been trying for 8 months was kinda hurtful. I mean, would it be a little more ideal if my licensing test was done first? Yeah, of course that'd be nice, but it's not something that HAS to happen before we get pregnant, & it just seems like we've already waited on enough things, you know? We are just SO ready! And hey, if we don't get pregnant til after my tests, will I see the positive in that? Of course! It's just that doesn't change the fact that I'm already very ready now.
In the end what he said is not really a "big" deal, but just I couldn't stop thinking about it today so I had to process why it was bugging me. I feel kinda better now. :)
Anyway, I'm feeling some pluses & minuses today:
Pluses: My acne is actually starting to get better!! Can't tell you how much that makes me wanna rejoice! lol. It was getting pretty bad there for awhile, & I have some scars from it still, but I think they'll fade. I'm super glad it's calming down though.
Minuses: I dunno, it's CD19, & I just have this suspicion that this cycle is gonna be like the last one, & I'll get to CD60 w/out O'ing again. And I dunno, I'm trying to stay hopeful, & I know there are options regardless, but I just still really wish things would just work how they're supposed to. It's actually kinda hard for me to read about other women who are TTC who have actual "fertile windows", & predictable ovulation & all. I just want to ovulate at all!! It just sucks, honestly.
I'm a pretty open person, so I've shared about our TTC journey & this PCOS thing with my family & close friends, & they've all been really supportive. Last night my dad said something that kinda got to me though, & I don't know why. He was super supportive, gave me a hug, said he knew it was gonna happen for us, & it would be in the right time. But then he went on to comment that maybe right now "wasn't the right time", because I have huge tests coming up this summer to become a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (yep, I'm a therapist!), & that maybe it would be better for me to pass those tests first (even though baby wouldn't be here by then). For some reason that kinda hurt me, & I can't exactly figure out why. I actually do believe in the whole it'll happen at the right time thing, I just don't also believe that that means now is the "wrong" time. I guess maybe it felt like he was questioning how ready we were, & maybe that's why it was hurtful. Especially since in our hearts we are SO incredibly ready, & knowing that we waited 5 years to even start trying because we wanted to be financially stable & we wanted the best situation for this baby. I feel like we've planned it out the best that we really could, w/out waiting too terribly long. I know he just wants the best for me, & he & my mom have ALWAYS said what amazing parents they thought we'd be, & how they actually look forward to seeing us parent, etc, but I guess just the insinuation that maybe I hadn't thought this through enough w/ the timing of my career, even though we've been trying for 8 months was kinda hurtful. I mean, would it be a little more ideal if my licensing test was done first? Yeah, of course that'd be nice, but it's not something that HAS to happen before we get pregnant, & it just seems like we've already waited on enough things, you know? We are just SO ready! And hey, if we don't get pregnant til after my tests, will I see the positive in that? Of course! It's just that doesn't change the fact that I'm already very ready now.
In the end what he said is not really a "big" deal, but just I couldn't stop thinking about it today so I had to process why it was bugging me. I feel kinda better now. :)
Saturday, March 2, 2013
The Great Sperm Race
Just watched "The Great Sperm Race" today with the hubby. It was actually very funny, & interesting! A good watch. :)
Friday, March 1, 2013
Starting 8th month TTC!
So, woo-hoo! Today is starting our 8th month TTC! hehe, moving right along. Strangely enough, I feel that the more that time passes, the closer we are to having more information (about my cycles, etc), & to things hopefully happening. Earlier this week I had informed my Obgyn what our decision was regarding the RE (waiting one more cycle), & had said I would like to get information regarding costs, etc, now if possible, so today I got a call from the REI (reproductive endocrinology & infertility) clinic! :) The charge nurse, who pretty much handles everything (patient contact, pricing, test results, etc) was super nice, & she had a packet all ready for me that I went & picked up after work today.
Once I saw everything (including that the prices were way better than I was expecting!) I actually felt really happy! I think just because I felt like for once I would be in the hands of experts, who really knew what they were doing & specialized in this area. It's just a whole different feeling, & I felt that just from talking to the charge nurse & looking through all the paperwork they gave me. They also had a video for me to watch that had various info regarding infertility & treatments. If I should go down this road, I think I actually feel really good about it! When I left the clinic, which is right here in my town, like 10 min away, also w/ the sheet knowing the costs are not nearly as bad as I thought (huge relief!), I was thinking ya know, we're actually pretty blessed, all things considered. I know from reading other women's stories that it could be way worse.
So the way my RE's office does things (they have a system!) is that you do your blood work, HSG, & get the DH's SA done all before your initial consult w/ the RE. I think that's kinda cool actually, because they can start at a really knowledgeable place w/ your treatment, since the basic tests are already done.
The charge nurse told me that if I don't ovulate this cycle by day 45 then I should call & she'll issue another prescription for Provera, & then once CD1 starts, I can schedule the HSG & do the bloodwork labs. Part of me is still wondering if I want to start testing/treatment this soon or not????? ahhh! I know I have a good reason to if I do, & I'm no longer that worried about cost, but SOMEWHERE in my brain keeps wondering "hey, maybe you WILL regulate if you wait a little longer" (in an annoying voice) ...lol.
But I dunno, I'm thinking, if I get to CD60 again with no ovulation, & that'll be at around 9 total months of TTC, is there really that much chance that I would magically start ovulating in the next 3 months?? (before the magic "year" point). Honestly, if I was ovulating at ALL I would wait & keep trying naturally. I dunno, I'm confusing myself by even talking about it, lol. I think at this point if I pursue treatment I will feel really good about it, & feel like I'm taking charge of the situation, etc, but honestly I'm happy to wait longer to do that, but only if there's a good reason to, I guess. But the bummer is, there is no way to know if there's a good reason!! lol. I guess if I accept the PCOS diagnosis, there may not be much reason to wait, because my ovulation will likely continue to be an issue, but if I hope that maybe my obgyn was wrong & my body is just still regulating, then there "could" potentially be a reason. gaaaa, I'm sorry, I must be annoying right now. lol. ANYWAY...hehe, but seriously any input on this would actually be very appreciated.
All in all I'm feeling very happy & hopeful about everything! Just hoping I make the right decision in regards to when to start testing/treatment.
Once I saw everything (including that the prices were way better than I was expecting!) I actually felt really happy! I think just because I felt like for once I would be in the hands of experts, who really knew what they were doing & specialized in this area. It's just a whole different feeling, & I felt that just from talking to the charge nurse & looking through all the paperwork they gave me. They also had a video for me to watch that had various info regarding infertility & treatments. If I should go down this road, I think I actually feel really good about it! When I left the clinic, which is right here in my town, like 10 min away, also w/ the sheet knowing the costs are not nearly as bad as I thought (huge relief!), I was thinking ya know, we're actually pretty blessed, all things considered. I know from reading other women's stories that it could be way worse.
So the way my RE's office does things (they have a system!) is that you do your blood work, HSG, & get the DH's SA done all before your initial consult w/ the RE. I think that's kinda cool actually, because they can start at a really knowledgeable place w/ your treatment, since the basic tests are already done.
The charge nurse told me that if I don't ovulate this cycle by day 45 then I should call & she'll issue another prescription for Provera, & then once CD1 starts, I can schedule the HSG & do the bloodwork labs. Part of me is still wondering if I want to start testing/treatment this soon or not????? ahhh! I know I have a good reason to if I do, & I'm no longer that worried about cost, but SOMEWHERE in my brain keeps wondering "hey, maybe you WILL regulate if you wait a little longer" (in an annoying voice) ...lol.
But I dunno, I'm thinking, if I get to CD60 again with no ovulation, & that'll be at around 9 total months of TTC, is there really that much chance that I would magically start ovulating in the next 3 months?? (before the magic "year" point). Honestly, if I was ovulating at ALL I would wait & keep trying naturally. I dunno, I'm confusing myself by even talking about it, lol. I think at this point if I pursue treatment I will feel really good about it, & feel like I'm taking charge of the situation, etc, but honestly I'm happy to wait longer to do that, but only if there's a good reason to, I guess. But the bummer is, there is no way to know if there's a good reason!! lol. I guess if I accept the PCOS diagnosis, there may not be much reason to wait, because my ovulation will likely continue to be an issue, but if I hope that maybe my obgyn was wrong & my body is just still regulating, then there "could" potentially be a reason. gaaaa, I'm sorry, I must be annoying right now. lol. ANYWAY...hehe, but seriously any input on this would actually be very appreciated.
All in all I'm feeling very happy & hopeful about everything! Just hoping I make the right decision in regards to when to start testing/treatment.
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